Monday, September 18, 2006

Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed
that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot
of space and valuable resources.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now
monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night
10.3, Footb all 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5 , and Sailing 3.6.

I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run
my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend
7.0 , but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0 Please help!

Troubled User.....


Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it
is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING
SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also
impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0 . It is
impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to
not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Mayhem/Alimony/Child
Support . I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation.
I suggest installing the background application "Yes, Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE! b ecause
ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system
will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance .
Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep
3.0 , Cook It 1.5, Do Bills 4.2, and Shop 8.2 .

However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will
cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5 . Once this happens,
the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase
additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With
Short Skirt 3.3 . This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will
cause irreversible damage to the operating system!

Best of luck,

Tech Support

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Scientists speculate that the antioxidants in juice...

HEALTH & FITNESS HEALTH CHECK Robyn Shelton Robyn Shelton
Juicy news could help your brain
Published September 5, 2006

Pour yourself a glass of juice. It might be good for your brain.

A new study has found that people who drank fruit or vegetable juice at least three times a week were far less likely to develop Alzheimer's disease.

Three or more glasses meant a 76 percent decrease in risk -- one or two glasses weekly led to a 16 percent reduction.

"These findings are new and suggest that fruit and vegetable juices may play an important role in delaying the onset of Alzheimer's disease," lead researcher Qi Dai writes in the report, published in The American Journal of Medicine.

But why? Scientists speculate that the antioxidants in juice might prevent the brain from forming the tangled clumps of protein that are found in Alzheimer's patients.

Even so, it's too early to stock the refrigerator with those little juice boxes. Dai, who is from Vanderbilt University, says previous research on antioxidants has not found a benefit against Alzheimer's. He says more research is needed to confirm his group's findings.

The current research, which also involved scientists from the University of South Florida in Tampa, focused on nearly 2,000 Japanese Americans living in Washington state. The participants answered questionnaires about their eating and drinking habits periodically as they were tracked from 1992 through 2001 for signs of dementia.

Robyn Shelton can be reached at 407-420-5487 or